Blogging Away

So…Doogie Howser, M.D. is gay. Hmnnn…..ok then.

Ok…so I had the surgery on Monday. They took out a bunch of my damaged small intestine….which BECAME damaged from the horrid accident last year. I love the medical industry that takes 10.5 months to diagnose and treat the problems that happened. The surgeon, whom is WONDERFUL, told us that this could have been fixed the last time I was in the hospital….if they (medical industry at particular hospital) had, get this, DONE WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DO! It just pisses me off….but on to the the funnier side of being split open.

Here it is…a list of items that, for the past week, have amused/disturbed me….enjoy.

1. When you go to the hospital, and are getting prepped for surgery, I don’t want to hear the anesthesiologist (spelling?) say, “Here goes nothing!” Not helpful…not at all.
2. While I was in “prep,” the surgical team had Everclear on the CD player….nice. I asked for the Scrubs theme song….I was denied.
3. While in “recovery” I apparently said “Hi!” to everyone who walked by….everyone. I have no memory of this, but everyone else does.
4. I get transported up to the 6th floor, Pod D, Room 639. I said the word “Pod” for an hour.
5. I had my own room……if you know me….you know how important this turn of events was. It made all the difference not to have Bullhead City Rejects in the room with me, showing me their creepy art and arguing with one another about the “pain” they had while they were apart. Thank you, God, for this very large favor. It was really my biggest fear.
6. I really, really, really, don’t like catheters….nope…nada…..fuggedabouit!
7. I had two nurses, over the course of 5 days, who were competent….they were the “tag-team girls.” They kicked so much ass….by simply doing their jobs.
8. Nursing assistants…everyone that I had….was HORRIFIC!! I mean….BADDDDD. I place you all in the bag.
9. Not to harp on nurses…my best friend is a nurse…a kickass one at that….as whiny as I am to everyone I know personally (and believe me, I know that I am) I am on the BEST of behavior with medical staff. I say please and thank you….I patiently wait….every time that I pressed the “call” button, I felt badly…but for Christ’s sake…you made me wait 2 hours for my medication….and there wasn’t a code going on….DO YOUR JOB!
10. Doctors and their interns make their rounds early…..5:30 early….I like this a lot. I was very cheerful to them. One was kinda hot. I would try to make my cut look “cute.” Yeah, I am a bit psychotic. I know.
11. People visiting in the hospital rock. Thank you all.
12. The person who brought the “Chiquita Weenie Dog” rocks my world
13. The person who sent the Chicken balloon is hysterical
14. When your vein collapses and the nursing staff has to put it in the other arm…and it takes them three tries…that sucks…a lot.
15. Showering is so nice. So is spending all day in pajamas. Sweet.
16. Hopsital food. Sucks.
17. Morphine on demand really, really rocks. Yay!
18. Having  my surgeon do rounds with his 6 residents really feels weird, like I am some sort of specimen in formaldhyde.
19. Having the catheter taken out is not cool….yet so cool.
20. Roaming the hospital at 2 in the morning is quite odd and disorienting (perhaps that is the morphine).
21. People crapping all over their beds is horrendous….and the smell lasts forever. This was not me…but happened no less than three times throughout my stay. Those poor people…I felt their shame.
22. It isn’t good when one of the interns comes in on day one and says, “You feel like going home tomorrow?” Wrong chart, buddy.
23. While I am emailing, and you are checking my vitals, please do not read over my shoulder…..what I write does not concern you.
24. I should have had a pedicure before I went in
25. Last, but not least, when the person who wheels you downstairs gets lost…you know you are leaving just in time.

More later.

Erin Kate