Wednesday, September 2, 2009

T.V. - I heart you.

So…it isn’t really a secret, but I love television. I really do. I would hug that machine if it wouldn’t land me in some psych ward professing my love for the people in the box. I love what television can do. At any given moment there is a myriad of programming available at my fingertips. I take my trusty sidekick, Maureen (the remote), and together we can see what is out there, glowing and waiting. Growing up in a house sans cable, it still fascinates me that there are so many choices. Plus…extended cable….well that just means that I can never legitimately say, “There is nothing on TV” – sure there is. A rerun of M.A.S.H., How to make a papaya casserole, Anderson Cooper’s mischievous grin, Ninja Warrior; all of these and HUNDREDS more are on at any given time, plus the added bonus of On Demand – just in case you can’t deal with live T.V. anymore (and why would you want to?). I have decided to make a list of my favorite T.V. shows that are CURRENTLY on (my all time list would be very different). Just felt like sharing, and hearing other great suggestions for T.V. shows (as I have not forgiven the majority of you who failed to mention to me the joys of Sons of Anarchy).

 

Heroes: Fine, I have a little obsession with Zachary Quinto. Shut up. It isn’t hurting anyone, and I am sure that restraining order will be lifted any day now. He isn’t the reason I like this show….well, he isn’t the only reason. I like the ENTIRE concept. I love how there are so many layers to how “good” and “evil” are portrayed. I like the concept of roles changing, and how every “hero” is a villain to someone. I think Season 3 was amazing, though many of you out there were not huge fans. I love where it is going (especially the freaky carnival stuff coming up in Season 4). Great ensemble cast.

Lost: Gearing up for a final season that will start in January. Even if you hate this show, not a one of you can say, “I figured it out” – if you do, you are lying and God will punish you. Frustrating, yes, but mind expanding – yes (insert joke about mind needing to be expanded because brain is small). I have been shocked by this show in nearly every episode. I like that we got to know these characters over a small span of time – not drawn out. I like how history plays such a big role in this show. I like that there is a character named John Locke. Shut up. I do. No matter what the final season has in store, I will be glued to the set.

Weeds: I used to hate Mary Louise Parker. It was unexplainable, but I did. She is a good actress. She doesn’t seem like a complete tool in “real” life. I just hated her. I was wrong. This role has made her into one of those people that I would actively go see in a movie. Someone I would actively set up a whole season pass to record on the small screen. The season finale of this show made me curse the months of the calendar that prevent me from watching another season. Stupid hiatus. This show has everything. Humor so wonderful, I can’t contain my fit of giggles. High drama. Romance. Unrequited love. Drugs. I don’t know what else someone could want?

True Blood:  I thought of something else I want. Vampires. Boom. Got it. They don’t follow the Harris books (which, in my humble opinion, is fine by me) but this show has me hooked. The thing I look for in any source of entertainment is good acting. Not surprising, most shows have poor to mediocre acting. This show, campiness and all, has superb acting. You act in front of a giant meat sculpture and deliver your lines without laughter. YOU CAN’T DO IT! Perfectly cast, I actually believe that Anna Paquin is a mouthy Southern waitress. I believe Eric has been around for 1,000 years. I believe that Tara’s mother is a drunk. The actors make this believable, and I tune in every week.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Yes, the one with Danny Devito. Shut up. Watch 5 episodes in a row, and tell me you don’t laugh out loud 25% of the time. You can’t. With such classic lines as:

I’m a recovering crack head; this is my retarded sister that I take care of. I’d like some welfare please.

                                                         Or

Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!

                                             Or, my personal favorite

Charlie! Your illiteracy has screwed us once again!

Funniest show on television. No question. I said no question.

Mad Men: Stylistic. Gritty. Suave. How do you not like a show so noir in nature that it repeatedly outshines itself? The answer is, you don’t. You have to like it. You are drawn in to these characters and see, with perfect hindsight, that they are flawed. And you think to yourself, “Life is so much better now. Look at my opportunities. Look how I am better now.” But you still watch, so what does that say about your own longing? No, really, what does it say? I keep trying to figure out what I am telling myself when I watch this show. Watch it.

The Office: Maybe I don’t get enough enjoyment through my job, so I must go home and watch art imitate my life. Well, my life plus the craziness of Michael Scott. I sometimes tell my boss that he is reminding me of someone….he knows that he has gone off the deep end at that point. I like how there is a character on television that represents what I do (Toby – the HR guy). I like seeing someone else play the extreme defeated character – and someone who is portrayed as another’s mortal enemy. I think of myself that way at times, and this helps me laugh at my own craziness. This show is funny. Though it is over the top, I challenge you to watch an episode and not find some correlation into your current work situation. The question, during our “off” time, why do we watch a program dedicated to work life?

Sons of Anarchy: Hate all of you for not mentioning it (like Dr. Horrible all over again). Hate myself for not discovering in until last week – in rerun format. Love that it is coming back for season 2 next week. Hamlet. On a bike. With Peg Bundy and Hellboy. Um…..perfection personified. If you liked the Shield (and let’s face it, if you didn’t, you have some explaining to do) then you will like this. Same style. GREAT CASTING. Best casting out of any of the previously mentioned shows. Who is joining this season? Henry Rollins and Adam Arkin. Freaking genius. I watched the whole season in two days. Addicted.

 

Honorable Mentions:

Dexter

Ninja Warrior

Entourage

Fringe

Dollhouse

Flight of the Conchords

Posted by Erin Kate at 21:16:17 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Friday, June 19, 2009

Travel

So — the past two weeks have consisted of contemplating my next great adventure (having been almost a year since my Panama and Costa Rica vacations. While I was in Mexico, I looked at my calendar for the next several months and decided that I am too busy to add another trip (have five more planned before the end of 2009), so I started looking into 2010. The Russia Conquest trip that I want to take will still be out of my price range, but I have found a few others that I really am interested in. Here they are (in no particular order)

1.    Vietnam for 9 days (Ho Chi Minh City, Hanoi, etc)
2.     China for 13 days (including Hong Kong, Shanghai, Xian, Lhasa, Beijing) 
3.    Egypt for 9 days (mostly Cairo and Alexandria)
4.    Israel for 8 days
5.    Croatia for X number of days on the beach
Any thoughts? Places you have visited? Other ideas? Weather conditions? What you ate for dinner? Please advise!
Posted by Erin Kate at 04:28:55 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Time is on my side…not yours!

Of all the people that know me, they will tell of the one thing that makes Erin Kate angry beyond repair; that one thing is lateness…or, rather, a total disrespect of the concept of time. We all have our views and beliefs of what time truly consists of: minutes, hours, eons, life cycles, coffee spoons, etc. I take the idea of time very seriously. My definition comes, in part, from the wasting of moments, and the treasuring of moments. See, I look at every minute of life as having some purpose. I am not writing about life-altering moments…but every moment attaches itself to a cause. A cause that we follow — willingly or not. 

So, my bone of contention lies with those who look at time as their own — and not a shared collective. Your time is incredibly valuable…as is mine…as is the homeles man counting pennies in the sky. I cannot dictate what you do with your time….I won’t even really try. I do demand the courtesy (possible to demand courtesy?) that you are not careless or wasteful with my time. This comes to the topic of appointments. Most who know me know that I am rarely, if ever, late….and I always call if there will be lateness to profusely apologize. To not do the same is blatantly disrespectful…as you have wasted my moments that had been planned to be you. To not show up — well…don’t do that…as you will not appreciate the consequences that my wrath will bring. 

For example, earlier this week, i had a scheduled appointment with some employees at work. Meeting request and agenda were sent out and all 7 people accepted the time/location/purpose. I arrive my traditional 5 minutes early. On schedule was one person. Nobody else showed up. I fumed. I believe I actually turned the color of an eggplant on roids. As I conducted the meeting with the sole participant, I was already calculating what I would do. The meeting concluded (as 3 out of the 5 agenda items could not be discussed as their primary’s were not in attendance) and I retreated to my office. 41 minutes past the originally scheduled 30 minute meeting, one employee came in to say that they “forgot” — I summarily dismissed them in true Axe fashion. 

How could people be so careless as not to mention they couldn’t attend? This meeting took place 80 feet from where they spend their days, not on Mars (which is where I wanted to ship them). i do not understand rudeness that some people display. I was told “It’s not intentional” — but it is…they chose not to communicate.

I have had my delicious revenge. Let that be a lesson to all of you “time-suckers” out there…don’t piss off the HR lady on the one thing that she truly gets pissed about….it is your time that will then be sucked. 
Posted by Erin Kate at 03:16:06 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

It’s the End of the World, as I know it, and I feel….eh?

So…another quick blog about my impending day of reckoning. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am turning 30 in two months. When the thought first crept up on me…at the age of 27…I will admit that I was terrified. What does 30 mean? Do I need Medicare? Should I start Botox now? As the last months have passed over me, a calm acceptance has set in…easing me into the idea of aging gracefully. Then I said, “screw that” and decided to hold my 2nd annual 29th bday in August. Not opposed to the age…but the number. 30. Screw that. 

So, as I thought about this impending doom…I thought to myself, “Self, what do you want to have happen that day…that day of infamy?” — Self said to me, “Lady, you need a drink and a song” — so, as per usual, I am going to be having a bday party that involves singing like your life depends on it. This year, I have decided that I need to rock it out old school style…with as many peeps as possible. Some of you may remember the “Erin parties of past” — I have decided that I want that again, at least one last time (because life ends at 29 + 1, right?) So, if you are in the Mesa area on August 22nd, come out and celebrate with me…sing a song, eat some Korean food (yes, for you Oklahoma people, this is a place just like the 5 Seasons in L-town), and enjoy the festivities. I would love anyone I know to come to this event (and I guarantee it will be an event)…even if I haven’t seen you in years. Call it a class reunion, without the speeches — alright, there may be speeches but no silly games. 

Just a few thoughts for now….more info to follow later. 
Posted by Erin Kate at 20:43:59 | Permalink | No Comments »

Where did the time go?

I woke up this morning and realized that it is the middle of June…JUNE??? What the heck happened to this year? Time has definitely gotten away from me recently (over the last year). I am trying to fix that a bit by spending more time with “me.” I spent the majority of a week at my Dad’s house in Mexico…by my lonesome (and I loved every minute of it). I need to do more mini-vacations alone. The thought of utter reflection is so appealing. I learn a lot about myself and I can actually form coherent thoughts on my own, instead of in response to others. Very relaxing. I highly reccomend it to you, if you can spare a day or two away from the “real world.”

PS….going to NOLA in two weeks with 3 good friends….cannot wait (even if i have to ‘conference’ in the middle of the trip). So much fun to be had! 
Posted by Erin Kate at 20:34:02 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

An open letter to the swine invaders

A pig is a filthy animal. Pulp Fiction taught me this….it also taught me about Eric Stoltz in a bathrobe, but enough about what I learned from Pulp Fiction. I want to talk about pigs…pigs who apparently caused this mass hysteria called “Swine Flu.” This is my open letter to them:

Pigs….I know we eat you…I know we devour parts of you that may seem uncouth and questionable. I know you don’t like it when we pull your curly tails. I know that there is never enough mud to please your gentle pallet. Please do not respond by giving me a potentially fatal disease. How could you develop such a plan….have your kind been plotting this since the dawn of the slaughterhouse? Did you find resentment when we rode atop you  at county fairs? Did you not like the stereotyping that took place in such propaganda like, “Babe: Pig in the City?” If that is the case, then I, on behalf of the entire human population, apologize profusely to you. However, your clever plan to destroy the world, one flu victim at a time, has not gone off as well as you once imagined. Sure, there is talk of a pandemic…sure, the surgical mask industry (your apparent cohorts in crime)  will have the best quarter on record since their inception, there is also talk about Patient Zero, which has been a longtime supporter of those of the swine persuasion. Even the Russians are getting snootier because of your plan….job well done. However….I have news for you, Arnold. I have developed a strategy so maniacal that I don’t mind sharing the details with you, since you have no real way to prevent this…there will be no last minute surges, no last overhaul of power, no pleading…for I know of a weapon so strong that it will be all but impossible to resist it’s power….the power of….hand washing. Yes, Brotherhood of the Swinery, the power lies within each of the potentially affected victims to help rid themselves of your dirty intentions….and most, if not all, have this power in their very homes…yes, you Pigs of Pestilence, it is the common hand soap that will aid the brave humans in their not-so-difficult struggle against the Hogs for Destruction. Your plan has one chance to work in accordance with your original strategy…one that truly may kill us all….and that is the question, “Are humans a bunch of filthy animals as well?”


 

Wash your hands, people. Stay away from sickos, and swine for that matter. Don’t go to the doctor unless you are truly ill. Stop the hysteria. Please….you don’t want the pigs to win, or do you?

Posted by Erin Kate at 21:26:02 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Top 20 songs…

So…I have been thinking a lot about my “favorite things” – not in any sort of an “Oprah Winfrey, all the readers are getting a copy of James Frey’s latest book of fiction,” but, rather, in a self-actualizing sort of way…so I thought I would blog for the first time this century about my favorite thing in the genre of music. I would like to announce my top 20 favorite songs of all time. You may disagree with me, but that is ok to.  If you have a little time, please share your thoughts/favorites. Hopefully, “real blogs” will follow, but this is what was on my mind…

20.          What it Takes – Aerosmith

19.          4AM – Our Lady Peace

18.          Stars and Boulevards - Augustana

17.          All my Friends – Counting Crows

16.          Across the Universe – The Beatles

15.          Wild Horses – Rolling Stones

14.          Friend fo the Devil - Grateful Dead

13.          I still haven’t found what I’m looking for – U2

12.          The Beauty of Grey - Live

11.          Hallelujah – Leonard Cohen

10.          Sick Cycle Carousel – Lifehouse

9.            I Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty

8.            Come Pick Me up – Ryan Adams

7.            Goodnight, Elizabeth – Counting Crows

6.            High and Dry – Radiohead

5.            Just Like Heaven – The Cure

4.            Romeo and Juliet – Dire Straits

3.            The Scientist – Coldplay

2.            Black – Pearl Jam

1.            Anna Begins – Counting Crows

                 

Posted by Erin Kate at 17:39:08 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Friday, February 20, 2009

Best Movies of 2008

As my favorite day of the year approaches (i.e., Oscar Day) I thought I should pick up the blog quill (the keyboard) and make a list of my to ten (or so) faves — which I have been bothered about from some of you since January 1st. OK, so here is goes…

 
10.    In Bruges - I thought that this movie should have received greater praise than it actually did. Dark and funny and I found all the violence completely neccesary — which is rare. Great escape and fantastic satire. What more could you want?

9.     Twilight — Laugh if you will, but it did exactly what the book did…it made emo kids find purpose for an evening. I thought the casting was great and it captured the essence of the book fantastically. This spot would normally go to my obligatory love of all things Harry Potter, but, sadly, the powers that be prevented a November release of that film. The only bad thing about this movie was the literal translation of Stephanie Meyer’s meager vocabulary. Sigh.

8.     Iron Man - I really don’t like most superhero movies. I really don’t. I haven’t seen any of the X-men trilogy, and I just watched Spiderman 3 a month ago. This was good, though. Really good. Witty, charming, clever…the only problem I had was with one particular casting choice (Gweynth Paltrow). This would have been higher on the list if not for her. 

7.    Frozen River - Many of you have probably not heard of this movie, but I reccomend a netflix rental. Story of a woman who is trying to make up the money her husband stole to buy a double-wide trailer by smuggling in immigrants across the Canadian border. You know this had to end good. Melissa Leo (who I will speak about later) was fantastic. Small, but powerful film. Sad year for it to come out, when there are a lot of other small films overshadowing it. 

6.     The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons - Sadly, like American Gangster of years back, this movie 
fell flat with poor film editing choices. Too long and too many repeated scenes left me feeling restless. The acting is superb and I believe the cinematography may be the year’s best. I loved this story as a kid, and it translated well to screen with amazing makeup and performances that had real depth….just not good enough.

5.     The Wrestler — I believe this movie, for what it was, will be a masterpiece. Raw and heartbreaking, and no happy ending (though, there would be a way to see it be happy if you analyze it enough).I don’t love Mickey Rourke in much, but after this film, I wanted to give him a puppy. He was one of the top performers of the year, maybe even the decade. I though there wasn’t enough Marisa Tomei in this movie. She is so good and I wished they had fleshed her out a bit more, instead of just showing her flesh. The whole movie is bleak and sad and I felt so much empathy for these characters that it was hard to leave them once I left the theater.

4.5.    Doubt — This movie involved such cliches that I was almost dreading actually seeing it. I was mistaken. With Hoffman, Adams, Davis, and, of course, Streep, this movie will make such a lasting impression. I really think this is one of Meryl Streep’s finest performance. I still don’t know how I feel about the ending…which may be the whole point of the film. I know I felt guilty for judgements, whether right or wrong.

4.    Frost/Nixon — It gives you what it says…the Frost interview of Richard Nixon. So much nuance and performances, it made me feel like I was there. I can see how this affected the nation a bit more now. It humanized both characters and I felt empathy and pity across the board. Pity for Richard Nixon. Wow. 

3.5.    The Reader — Many will say that this is Kate Winslet’s best performance…I think it wasn’t (see 2.5). I think that this was still what she will be remembered for in the near future, and I believe it will win her the Oscar tomorrow night. I liked watching a film about Nazis without having to watch a concentration camp. I think there is so much value on what happened afterwards that is forgotten and misplaced. I also thought the love/connection story was really well done. So much pride and so much loss….such a fantastic film. 

3.    Milk — I had the good fortune to see this film with one of my gay friends and I was touched by how much he was touched. I knew something about this going into it….but mostly that Harvey Milk’s killer used the “Twinkie” defense. This movie, with a brilliant performance by everyone in the film, touched me so much more than I thought it would. It wasn’t pro-gay, it wasn’t anti-twinkies, it was a film about someone who tried to do something he believed in and was persecuted for it. James Franco’s performance was oscar-worthy. Go see it. 

2.5    Revolutionary Road — I believe this might be the best acted film of the year. When the nominations were announced, I almost cried when it was shut out of almost everything. DiCaprio and Winslet were almost too hard to watch on the screen. I lvoed this novel when I read it a few years ago, and thought, “If they ever make it into a film, they are going to screw it up.” I was wrong. Such passion and sadness and obligation. I think that this film will still be something that I will go back to when I make movie comparisons. So beautiful and heartbreaking.

2.    Slumdog Millionaire — I had to watch this twice to give it a fair shake, and I liked it so much more the second time. I love he underdog, and here is a movie about someone who is truly the king of the underdogs. This movie almost went straight to DVD….we wouldn’t have known about it. That makes me scared. I wouldn’t call it a feel good film (unless you count the always-present Indian dance routine at the end of the film). Very gritty and depressing. As I drank my coke and ate my chips and sat on my couch….I felt so overindulgent. I am too lucky….I liked that this movie reminded me of my wealth. This will win best picture.

1.5    The Dark Knight — You all saw it…and most of you agree that it is the best superhero movie of all time. I agree. I also think that it was so much more than that. The violence and actions seemed too real and that scared me. Ledger’s performance, to agree with everyone else, was the stuff of legends….but he wasn’t the only one. Gary Oldman, Christian Bale, and, to me, especially Aaron Eckhart made this a film for the ages. The one that all will be compared to. It almost made the top of the list. As a side note, I was so happy to have Katie Holmes replaced by someone who could really act. 

1.    Gran Torino — This was harder to decide on than you may think, but I chose the movie that still stays with me. To me, this is a movie about honor and sacrifice, and the idea that life is hard and you have to live with it. This is not only my favorite Clint Eastwood-directed film, but this is my favorite Clint the Actor film….it was raw and decisive and I feel that it should be made a requirement to see this film. I was pissed to see it shut out. 
So, that is my list. What are your thoughts? Below are who I pick for best performances of the year and who I think the Academy will pick. 

Best Movie:

My Pick - Gran Torino
OSCAR - Slumdog Millionaire

Best Actress:

My Pick - Kate Winslet for Revolutionary Road
OSCAR - Kate Winslet for The Reader

Best Actor:

My pick - Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler
OSCAR - Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

Best Supporting Actor:

My pick - Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
OSCAR - Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight

Best Supporting Actress:

My Pick - Kathy Bates - Revolutionary Road
OSCAR - Penelope “I can’t act” Cruz - Vicki Cristina Barcelona

Best Director:

My Pick - Clint Eastwood - Gran Torino
OSCAR - Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
Posted by Erin Kate at 03:07:28 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

My Mother invented the DUI

Well, that is an attention grabber.

I am still sitting in the hotel room in Utah, and i am afraid the snow has begun to fall. This is disturbing, as I have heard that it will continue through tomorrow. I better be able to fly out on Sunday or else.

I called my Mom to tell her…she likes these complaints. She informed me that she went to traffic school for speeding. She then proceeded to tell me about a DUI. This is my synopis of part of this extended conversation.

Mom - We watched a video about DUI — that stuff is crazy.

Me - Yeah, I know

Mom - How would you know?

Me — Well, it isn’s something entirely new

Mom- Whatever, this is serious. Do you know how serious it can be?

Me - Yes, I have had friends that have been on the receiving end of them…it can really be devastating.

Mom — Why are you still friends with them? That is horrible!

Me — Well, for the most part, they were honest mistakes that many of us had made in the past.

Mom– What? What are you talking about? How can you know people who have done this?

Me — Mom, again, this isn’t entirely new….this is just a society where there is a crackdown now…which is a good thing…but it has been happening since the dawn of the car, or wagon for that matter”

Mom — (sighs) Whatever…I can’t believe people don’t know about this! If they did, they wouldn’t do it…I mean, who would. This is shocking!

Me — They DO know…they just choose to test it.

Mom– They can’t possibly know….(dismissive sigh)

Then I started telling her about the holiday party up in the mountains tomorrow.

Mom — Are you going to drink?

Me — Of course (may have said that a bit too quickly).

Mom — But…you will get a DUI!!!!

Me — there is a shuttle van picking us up at the office. My hotel is 3/4 of a mile down an access road away. I will be fine.

Mom– No. You will get a DUI — don’t be stupid, you don’t know how this will ruin everything.

Me — I am not going to get drunk. I am going to have two glasses of wine…

Mom — …and then get a DUI. I can’t believe you haven’t thought about this. Do you KNOW how much danger is involved?

Me –Again, yes…I do. I can have two glasses of wine over 4 hours and be normal. Don’t worry.

Mom — I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

This is why we all heart my Mother and her neurotic tendencies. Don’t drink and drive, and remember, that my Mom invented the DUI. Wait till she hears about DWI, she will probably write a book.

Posted by Erin Kate at 05:34:44 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Friday, December 12, 2008

OK

Well, well, well…here I am again. I am currently sitting in my hotel room in Utah and for the first time in many months, I actually feel relaxed. I apologize for those of you who have missed my thoughts or rants, but I swear, you would need a break from the world too.

Here is my life in the nearly 5 months since my last post:

While in Panama, I decided to check my home voice mail. No real reason…just dumb luck. There was a message from my Dad stating to call me when I got home from the trip (didn’t want to call my cell phone and bother me). Well, this is very like my Dad. Not wanting the attention to focus away from other’s lives. I immediately called the hospital and I wasn’t allowed to talk to him. The nurse’s station said that he had about 4 doctors in there now. The nurse also wouldn’t tell me anything. So, for the next 45 minutes, I talked to my Mom (who was with me in Panama) and we decided that it was probably nothing. It wasn’t. My Dad, Aunt, and Step-mother were in a pretty horrific accident on the way to my Dad’s cabin in Pine, AZ. A teenaged driver, with her mother, lost control of the car and pretty much landed on top of my Dad’s SUV. The mother of the teen was thrown from the car (no seatbelt) and died instantly. The teen driver suffered a broken collar-bone and some paralysis in her legs. My Aunt suffered a badly broken arm, broken ribs, and some back injuries. My Dad had a compound fracture in his leg, broken ribs, and had a massive heart attack once he entered the ER. My step-mother died. She suffered from a severed carotid artery and many other internal injuries.

My Aunt spent 2.5 weeks in the hospital. My Dad, nearly a month (got pneumonia and had a pretty risky leg surgery). Not a lot of words can describe how my life changed in just a phone call, so I won’t digress any more than usual. My Dad got home at the end of July/beginning of August (time wasn’t really on my mind). He couldn’t walk, he couldn’t remember a lot of things…and here he was in the house that he and his wife had left on 7/2/2008 with every intention of returning. It used to be a running joke that he would obviously “go” first. He was not ready for this. I spent my days working in North Phoenix and driving to Gold Canyon every other day. I was exhausted in every way imaginable.

I had plans with my friend Dan to go to Costa Rica over Labor Day…for which I felt monumentally guilty. I was told to go by  my Dad or I wouldn’t be allowed in his house. This is how it works with us. Amazing trip - similar, yet completely different from Panama (which, FYI, my Mom was convinced was an island). I felt really good.

I came back to have my bday party with the nearest and dearest, which, I have to admit was a riot. A good friend came out to visit with his wonderful wife and we saw the Counting Crows. Yes, I really believed things were going to be ok (fine is a relative term that I refuse to use anymore).

Then my Dad started having difficulty breathing towards the middle of September. He called an ambulance and was readmitted to the hospital. This time for quadruple bypass surgery. They had to wait almost 10 days to really get him stabilized. This was especially hard. Shock is a surprisingly helpful feeling when trying to handle a situation….planning is not. Especially for the mother of all planners. He had a 10 hour surgery and I sat in that waiting room the whole time. Ugh. He suffered a lot of bleeding and had what the doctor’s deemed “a few close calls.”  I left the ICU that night feeling that things, though still uncertain, were definitely going to improve. He slept for the next 2 days. As I returned, I discovered that he wasn’t himself…wasn’t speaking correctly…was shaking…couldn’t hold a cup properly. He had a stroke. Well, damn. That wasn’t one of the side effects that they had mentioned. It was a small one, but bad enough nonetheless. They couldn’t put him on blood thinners because of the heart issue….which was what he needed.

Over the next 2 weeks, he gained a lot of that back….seems to be ok (possible limp or so). He went home and needed some pretty heavy supervision. He got it from a myriad of people whom I will never be able to really thank. Still has some lingering issues (like not walking very well yet and one of his lungs being so full of fluid it is hard to catch his breath). Better, though…which is a relative term that has come to mean a lot to me in a short period of time.

This has been a really difficult time in my life. I have known a lot of people who have suffered this year, and I am sorry for your losses and difficulties. I truly am. I get that feeling now. My step-mom was a good person and she loved me. This I know. This has also been hard because I really have been doing this alone. My bro and my Dad don’t have a relationship….which is their issue. But it means that I get to do this on my own (step mom had no kids). I am still dealing with that fact…that our parents are not invincible, and at times are completely helpless. I have no delusions that they won’t eventually die, but we all imagine that to happen in their sleep after being witty and sarcastic at the dinner table (is that just my family?). Seeing someone as intimidating as my father not be able to hold a cup is humbling and terrifying. Being the person in charge of cremation/burial and general emotional support is exhausting. It may be selfish to state that — and really? that is ok. I will say this….and you can’t argue….I have the most amazing people in my life. I am not going to highlight them all…but I will name a few that have been instrumental, because I think that they deserve attention and Lord knows, I never let anyone else get attention while I am around.

My Mom — if you still have a Mom, hug her, if you don’t, then say a prayer of thanks. My Mom was with me when I discovered this and has offered nudging/advice throughout the process. There are not enough words to describe what she means to me, but I think I have a greater respect for her and her grace.

WK — Shit. She listens and gets angry when I do. I can’t ask for more than that in a best friend. I really can’t. Plus, she got to describe medical stuff to me and that helps a lot. She can also make me laugh any time she wants to….which has been a lot this season.

Dan — Go gay or go home. Dan has been able to listen and actively take my mind off of things. Thank you. It has helped. Plus, he had his own death experience recently and was able to be a sounding board about the trials and tribulations that go with all of that.

Kacey — though you are far away, your support I feel even when we don’t talk…just something that we are connected with. You genuinely care, and I am grateful for that.

Kellita — We are so goofy and you have constantly reminded me of that and how much better we are than everyone else.

Guttersnake — nobody can change a conversation’s mood like you and I have needed that

Tee-Dub — I miss you but I always know that you are there for me, regardless of the situation. Stability and history are very nice.

Alexis — nobody can talk at length about the ridiculous like you and I can. Thanks!

Jarret - Nice to focus on your issues (and….burn!!!) — it is nice to be helpful to someone to someone with such a huge impact on my life

Jeff C — Nobody normalizes me like you do….I swear I will call you!

There are hundreds more….but I thought of you guys initially. Thank you. I would kick someone’s ass for you any day….or fire them for you.

So, there is a lot of other stuff that I will inevitably forget to mention. Here is a small list of my thoughts.

- I am happy about the election
- I hated Breaking Dawn
- My friends are incredible…and I don’t know why that still surprises me
- Family is more than a word
- Work can be stressful at the most inopportune times
- I am nervous about having retorn my shoulder
- Scared for my Dad as he deals with the idea of living/being alone
- Realizing that life is too precious to spend time covering up what you don’t want people to see
- Strength is another relative term
- I miss certain people more than they think
- I think this world has more grey in it than I once thought
- I miss my step-mom
- Utah is cold
- “Baby, I’m a cop, stop, put up your hands and surrender to me”
- I am so happy for my friends
- I am glad to have reconnected with old friends (thank you facebook and myspace)
- I need to really take a break

All for now….felt it was time

Posted by Erin Kate at 03:14:01 | Permalink | Comments (5)